The Devil’s Latest Dictionary, Part I

[In the spirit of Ambrose Bierce.]

Note: Most of these definitions assume a certain point of view without which they become incoherent.

*

Fundamentalist. Noun. When you believe your religion is true and / or you support your people. Synonyms: bιgοτ, deplorable, suprεmαcιsτ.

Mansplain. Verb. To be competent and confident.

Equity. Noun. More for us, less for you.

Democracy. Noun. A political outcome or system which gives results we like.

Fαscιsμ. Noun. A political outcome or system which gives results you like. Synonyms: ωhιtε sυprεmαcy, institutional rαcιsm.

Protestor. Noun. Someone publicly taking our side.

Rioter. Noun. Someone publicly taking your side.

Diverse. Adjective. More of us, fewer of you. Synonyms: vibrant, inclusive.

Tolerant. Adjective. Demanding things be done our way.

Intolerant. Adjective. Wanting things to be done your way.

Cμlτμrαl αρρroρrιατιοη. Noun. When you play with our toys and we hαtε it because we hαtε you.

Rαcιsτ.  1) (Archaic noun) One who hαtεs people only because of their rαcε. 2) Adjective. The quality possessed by anything nonωhιτεs don’t like. 3) Noun or Adjective. ωhιtε people and their activities and achievements.

Science. Noun. A discipline or study which confirms our beliefs.

Superstition. Noun. A so-called discipline or study which denies our beliefs.

Crιτιcαl Rαcε Thεοry. Proper noun. You bad, we good.

Whιτε Prινιlεgε. Noun. Your ancestors established the culture of their nation according to their preferences.

Hαtε. Noun. Disagreement with our doctrine.

Love. Noun. Agreement with our doctrine.

9 thoughts on “The Devil’s Latest Dictionary, Part I

  1. When I see leftists use “love” on their signs and slogans, I can’t help but think of the movie title “How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb”. Their use is vaguely menacing and I can’t quite put my finger on why. Definitions that assimilate this thought:

    Hate – “The ideology of someone who must die for their cause”
    Love – “The ideology of someone who is willing to kill for our cause”

    Image: https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3Dem0pKzBW4/maxresdefault.jpg

      • I’d say the traditional definition of love is “willing the good of another,” or what Kant described as treating another person as a end and not a means. This was first corrupted by the romantic definition of love as “desire to possess,” but the real disaster came when “the good” became entirely subjective. That’s why “love” now means permissiveness, letting people do as they please. I daresay this is how many people understand the word love when they quote John 3:16, although it actually makes the verse unintelligible. “For God was so infinitely indulgent towards the world, that he (inexplicably) gave his only begotten Son . . .”

  2. All very good. Let me try!

    Fundamentalist. One who deserves caustic ridicule for his DUH stupid brain.

    Equity. One who sighs it’s not worth the effort so I’m giving up trying, but you still owe me.

    Diverse. The death of literature.

  3. I grow daily more and more inclined to silence. I refuse to use their loathsome lexicon and would rather not paint a bull’s eye on my back by using ours. We have reached a point where it is hard to talk for more than five minutes without a shibboleth slipping out, and you know what happens to a man who improperly enunciates a shibboleth. Your point about the meaning of the word fundamentalist cannot be stated too often. In a non-satanic thesaurus, the antonym of fundamentalist is phony. But we must expect this kind of language from the children of the Father of Lies.

      • A culture of Levantine deceit and insincerity, or perhaps utter superficiality. But the shibboleths creep even into superficial chit-chat. To comment on the weather without mentioning climate change is, for instance, a risky business. You know how Merry Christmas/Happy Hollidays have become shibboleths. Soon there will be two politically significant ways to say Good Morning.

  4. Fun list, despite the idiocy to which it alludes (quite in the spirit of Bierce) . . . I wonder what my fellow Ohioan would come up with today. Plenty of fish in that barrel!

    Why do you use Greek letters, though? On seeing this, I thought of groyper-speak — an annoying (or creative, depending on your tastes) bastardization of language that attempts to circumvent censorship programs on social media platforms. An epsilon here and mu there do the same trick, but was that your intention? Solidarity with our unwashed Zoomer cousins?

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