Might Not Our Pests be Somewhere Likewise Sent

Many people have noticed similarities between seventeenth-century Puritans and twenty-first-century Progressives.  The two sects share a similar sense of spiritual election, a similar conviction that they were put on earth to enlighten the nations, and a similar inability to leave decent folk alone.  Both sects attract freaks, hysterics and sadists, along with many persons of high (although narrow) intelligence.  Both antagonize their neighbors with grating sermons, unwelcome meddling, and obnoxious legislation.

One difference between Puritans and Progressives is that the Puritans failed to take control of the British state, whereas Progressives have very largely succeeded in usurping the power of the American empire.  Another difference is that seventeenth-century England could expel the Puritan pestilence to the rocky shore of New England, where they could pester the Wampanoags  and Narragansetts, whereas twenty-first-century America appears to be stuck with its bothersome blighters.

Might not our pests be likewise somewhere sent!

Here are the lyrics to an old English ballad that attempts to lure the pestilential Puritans away from England, and to New England, by extolling the material and spiritual attractions of that faraway land.  The Summons to New England was first published around 1634 and was meant to be  sung to the tune a forgotten song called The Townsman’s Cap.  The final stanza of the ballad reveals that the real blessing of the great Puritan migration of the 1630s and 1640s was to purify England, and the English Church, by ridding it of bothersome blighters.  I have modernized the spelling and added some explanatory footnotes.


Let all that putrifidean[1] sect,
I mean the counterfeit Elect:
All zealous bankrupts, puncks[2] devout,
Preachers suspended, rabble rout[3],
Let them sell all, and out of hand
Prepare to go for New England,

To build new Babel strong and sure,
Now call’d a Church unspotted pure.

There milk from springs, like rivers, flows,
And honey upon hawthorn grows;
Hemp, wool, and flax, there grows on trees,
The mold[4] is fat, and cuts like cheese;
All fruits and herbs grows in the fields,
Tobacco it good plenty yields;

And there shall be a Church most pure,
Where you may find salvation sure.

There’s venison[5] of all sorts great store,
Both stag, and buck, wild goat, and boar,
And all so tame, that you with ease
May eat your fill, take what you please;
There’s beavers plenty, yea, so many,
That you may buy two skins a penny,

Above all this a Church most pure,
That to be saved you may be sure.

There flights of Fowl do cloud the light,
Great turkeys of sixty pound in weight,
As big as ostriches; there geese,
Are sold with thanks for pence apiece;
Of duck and mallard, widgeon, teale,
Twenty for two-pence make a meal;

Yea, and a Church unspotted pure,
Within whose bosom all are sure.

Lo, there in shoals all sorts of fish,
Of the salt sea, and waters fresh:
Ling, cod, poor-john and haberdine[6]
Are taken with the hooks and line;
A painful[7] fisher on the shore
May take of each twenty an hour;

But above all a Church most pure,
Where you may live and die secure.

There twice a year all sorts of grain
Doth down from heaven like hailstones rain;
You never need to sow nor plough,
There’s plenty of all things enough:
Wine sweet and wholesom drops from trees,
As clear as crystal, without lees;

Yea, and a Church unspotted, pure,
From dregs of Papistry secure.

No feasts nor festival set days
Are here observed; the Lord we praise,
Though not in churches rich and strong,
Yet where no mass was ever sung,
The Bulls of Bashan[8] roar not here
Surplice and cope durst[9] not appear;

Old orders all they will abjure,
This Church hath all things new and pure.

No discipline shall there be used,
The law of nature they have choosed;
All that the spirit seems to move
Each man may take and so approve,
There’s government without command,
There’s unity without a band;

A synagogue unspotted pure,
Where lusts and pleasures dwell secure.

Lo in this Church all shall be free
To enjoy their Christian liberty;
All things made common, t’avoid strife,
Each man may take another’s wife,
And keep a handmaid too, if need,
To multiply, increase, and breed.

Then is not this foundation sure,
To build a Church unspotted, pure?

The native people, though yet wild,
Are altogether kind and mild,
And apt already, by report,
To live in this religious sort;
Soon to conversion they’ll be brought
When Warcham’s miracles[10] are wrought,

Who being sanctified and pure,
May by the Spirit them alure.

LENVOY[11]
Let Amsterdam send forth her brats,
Her fugitives and runnagates[12]:
Let Bedlam,[13] Newgate,[14] and the Clink[15]
Disgorge themselves unto this sink;
Let Bridewell[16] and the stews be swept,
And all sent hither to be kept;

So may our Church be cleans’d and pure.
Keep both itself and state secure.


[1]) A simple inversion of purification formed from the word putrefaction.

[2]) A punck (or punk) was a wanton woman, common whore, or slut.

[3]) A rout is a disorderly mob that resembles an army that has lost discipline.

[4]) Soil.

[5]) Game generally.

[6]) Salted cod.

[7]) Diligent or painstaking.

[8]) “Strong bulls of Bashan have beset me round” (Psalms 22:12).  The bulls of Bashan serve the Psalmist as a metaphor for troubles, difficulties and dangers.  Bashan was a plateau east of the Jordan, at the foot of Mount Hebron, and famed for its cattle.

[9]) Dare.

[10]) An obscure allusion, perhaps connected with the reverends Maverick and Warcham who founded the church society at Dorchester, now part of Boston, in 1631.

[11]) An lenvoy (or envoi) is a short stanza that terminates a ballad.

[12]) The name runagate is derived from the word renegade and strictly means a deserter or runaway servant. It commonly denoted a vagabond on the assumption that every vagabond had run away from his master, wife, or family.  Runagate was also used to denote a man who had abandoned all moral principles and was, therefore, a renegade from society.

[13]) The insane asylum of London.  The name Bedlam is a corruption of Bethlehem.

[14]) A London prison of the King.

[15]) A London prison that the Church of England used to incarcerate recusants and heretics in the sixteenth century.

[16]) A London prison and reformatory for disorderly orphans and poor people.

25 thoughts on “Might Not Our Pests be Somewhere Likewise Sent

  1. Send them to downstate NY. The Texans have lately been sending a few hundred of the many thousands of illegal immigrants they must somehow accommodate every day to NYC. It works! NY has her knickers already in a twist. Let that continue. Nothing like feedback …

    • Better yet, bus them back to Mexico. In New York, they will just be seamlessly integrated into the welfare state and instructed on how to complete a mail-in ballot.

      Never mind, it’s already too late. Politics is now territorial, not ideological.

      • The first red state to restore freedom of association, institute territorial integrity, physical removal, etc. would see practically everyone who qualifies rushing to become residents. That is the Schelling point for the rest to follow, and then the Fed will have a real fight.

        I’m not sure why, with the obvious first mover advantage, some R governor hasn’t moved substantially towards it yet. Could just be normalcy bias.

    • I argued for years, and until I was “blue in the face,” that the correct way to deal with the immigration crisis was to drive them (illegal immigrants) out of your state by way of state laws making it illegal to hire, harbor, transport and so on, illegal immigrants and their illegal families. The idea was that they would self-deport to more favorable climes – north, south, east, west. It did not matter to me which direction they went in the “grand scheme,” simply because the mere thought of hordes of illegal immigrants suddenly invading a bordering state or states would, in my estimation, raise the alarm of the state(s) in question, and their legislatures would, in turn, pass their own laws outlawing their presence and all of the above.

      In any case, my “fondest hope” back then was that the illegal immigrants in question would ultimately wind up evading the authorities in a migration to the northeastern/New England states and their “burnt over” territories, so that those states would “get them some”; some of their own medicine, since they have been lording it over us in the Southland for over a century with their egalitarian and cosmopolitan bullsh*t, while they live in their all-white gated communities up north mostly shielded from the effects of this idiotic, unpatriotic nonsense. I’m not really after vengeance on this matter as much as I’m after justice. Let the Yankee get a taste of his own goddamn medicine, I say. Maybe the SUPREMES will take up some of the cases “settled” in the lower courts (9th & 10th Circuits, et al) that ultimately gutted our state immigration laws of their teeth over a decade ago, and decide, as with abortion, that we were right all along – it is a state issue. Wouldn’t that be a hoot!

      • The South’s true enemy was its planter class.

        They’re still around, by the way, and still importing cheaper, browner labor and selling them cheap crap.

      • theantignostic@

        That’s an interesting bit of fiction you wrote. You should follow Mrs. Stowe’s lead and write a yellow-back novel about it. Call it, Grandpa Jackson’s Plantation: How the Southern Planter Class Traded New England Rum for Savage Black Heathens and Fetched Them Across the Atlantic on Yankee Smacks So’s They Could Pay Premium Rates for Them a Second and a Third Time. Or something like that – might want to shorten the subtitle a bit.

      • T. Morris – the Southern planters, importing alien, unassimilable peoples to Anglo-America–a land, literally, of milk and honey–comitted a crime against humanity.

        As my esteemed father–staunch traditionalist, descendant of founding stock Virginians, proud Southron–remarked as we looked at a slave market site in Savannah, “What were they thinking?!

        The Middle Passage transports should have been refused harbor.

        That class of Southerners is still at it too, importing cheaper, browner helots from Meso-America. There’s no such thing as “cheap labor.”

      • @T. Morris Name a single benefit to America from the importation of African slaves.

        There is no doubt that slave labor was beneficial in any number of ways to both the north and the south, and to the slaves themselves. I mean, northern manufacturies were essentially built on slave labor, by way of the 40% tariff on southern exports, which the central government appropriated almost wholly to northern interests. I don’t care to make out a list of benefits, and you only asked for one, so I gave it to you. There are many, many more. But that wasn’t, and isn’t, my point in any case.

        The lie you are perpetuating is that the Southern planter class was responsible for the importation to these shores of African slave labor. That is a lie. I recommend R. L. Dabney’s book, A Defense of Virginia and the South in this connection for starters (it’s cheap on Kindle). Here is a relevant excerpt to help wet the ol’ appetite:

        The share of the Colony of Virginia in the African slave trade was that of an unwilling recipient; never that of an active party. She had no ships engaged in any foreign trade; for the strict obedience of her governors and citizens to the colonial laws of the mother country prevented her trading to foreign ports, and all the carrying trade to British ports and colonies was in the hands of New Englanders and Englishmen.

        In the replies submitted by Sir William Berkeley, Governor, to certain written inquiries of the “Lords of Plantations,” we find the following statement: “And this is the cause why no great or small vessels are built here; for we are most obedient to all laws, while the men of New England break through, and trade to any place that their interest leads them.”[5] The same facts, and the sense of grievance which the colonists derived from them, are curiously attested by the party of Nathaniel Bacon also, who opposed Sir William Berkeley. When they supposed that they had wrested the government from his hands, Sarah Drummond, an enthusiastic patriot, exclaimed: “Now we can build ships, and like New England, trade to any part of the world.” But her hopes were not realized: Virginia continued without ships. No vessel ever went from her ports, or was ever manned by her citizens, to engage in the slave trade; and while her government can claim the high and peculiar honour of having ever opposed the cruel traffic, her citizens have been precluded by Providence from the least participation in it.

        Africans were originally forced on the South by the mother country, with our people kicking and screaming that they were a burden they did not want. This is why the original draft of “The Declaration” included Jefferson’s condemnation of King George III for engaging in the transatlantic slave trade, and forcing their human cargoes on the south. Prior to the Revolution, the colonies were simply too weak and unorganized to put up a real resistance to this illict trade, so they remonstrated against it – the best they could do. Later, the money grubbing Yankee got into the trade as well. The Southern planter class had nothing to do with it, except, as Dr. Dabney wrote above, “as unwilling recipients.”

      • theantignostic@: Seems like my answer to your challenge somehow wound up in spam. I’ll try again if this message doesn’t prompt Prof. Smith to dig it up from there and post it in this thread.

      • There is no doubt that slave labor was beneficial in any number of ways to both the north and the south, and to the slaves themselves.

        I asked, how did it benefit America, not how the immigrants benefited them and their patrons.

        I don’t care to make out a list of benefits, and you only asked for one, so I gave it to you

        And you answered, cheap labor. Disgusting. And ignorant; there’s no such thing as cheap labor.

        There are many, many more. But that wasn’t, and isn’t, my point in any case.

        Do tell. Popeye’s chicken sammitches? Rap music? The Great Society? Marchin Lootin Kang Jooner? Literally trillions of dollars in lowered property values and transfer payments? Loss of the freedom of association?

        The Southern planters should have been slaughtered in their beds. How dare they introduce such immiscible, alien peoples into our free and prosperous lands.

      • The Southern planters should have been slaughtered in their beds.

        You ought to be taken behind the woodshed and horsewhipped for writing/saying something like that. If I could get my hands on you, I’d gladly do the deed myself, and damn the consequences. Moreover, if I were an administrator at this site, I’d ban you from further participation in our discussions for that one statement alone. But, cheerfully for you I guess, our gracious hosts are more permissive of that sort of thing than I am. Anyway, you wrote:

        How dare [Southern planters] introduce such immiscible, alien peoples into our free and prosperous lands.

        I already explained to you above that they in fact did not introduce them; I’m not going to waste anymore time arguing with you about it. Anyone who thinks an innocent class of people (innocent of the charges he invents against them) ought to have been “slaughtered in their beds” is not the kind of person I care to associate with in any way whatever. Anymore than I would have had any association whatever with that murderous lunatic, John Brown.

        Get thee behind me, Satan!

      • @ T. Morris – the notion that the Southern planters didn’t voluntary engage in the slave trade is laughable. West Virginians didn’t have a problem extricating themselves from it; they were a little more clear-eyed about what was going on.

        You’re defending deeply cynical men who doomed this country forever because their business model depended on employing ignorant Africans who worked for keep instead of free, literate white men who could just take their chances on the frontier if need be.

        Your emotional reaction bespeaks a mightily misplaced sentimental attachment.

      • Your emotional reaction bespeaks a mightily misplaced sentimental attachment.

        I’m sentimentally attached to my people, to my ancestors, no argument there. But you have a good horse whipping coming for saying they should have been brutally murdered in their beds for a crime they did not commit and had no active part in, and I hope Providence will grant me the privilege of administering that punishment on your ingrate ass, sir. Teach you a lesson you’ll never forget.

      • and I hope Providence will grant me the privilege of administering that punishment on your ingrate ass, sir. Teach you a lesson you’ll never forget.

        Friend-o, you really need to stop talking like this.

      • Friend-o, you really need to stop talking like this.

        Why? I’ll stop “talking like this” just as soon as you renounce your statement declaring that several of my ancestors “should have been slaughtered in their beds.” Not before.

        I note, by the way, that your unhinged murderous attituded towards my ancestors seems not to apply to the real culprits in all of this – namely, the New England transatlantic slave traders. Should not they have been “slaughtered in their beds” in your view as well and for the same reason? If not, why?

  2. One little church in downstate NY just had a Latin high mass (the second of the day and 6th mass overall, several hours of confession, rosary, etc etc) followed by a candlelight procession through her crowded streets in honor of the Assumption.

  3. Communism was killed by containment, perhaps Progressivism can be killed by high concentrations of its own toxins. But I think the real solution is a Mars colony.

  4. The Js and their spiritual successors are very happy right where they are, stealing our wealth through taxation and spreading their poison to our children. I don’t think there is there any tempting them to leave voluntarily. They have to be cleared out, but the Right shows no sign that they are men. We will need at least a Pinochet, preferably a Franco, and good men to follow him.

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