Peggy Orenstein was interviewed on NPR by Terry Gross. Orenstein said that she was worried about hook-up culture because she has a 13 year old daughter. It turned out that she was concerned whether girls were having enough orgasms, with hook-up culture being focused on male pleasure. She says to girls, “You wouldn’t find it acceptable if you got cups of water for your boyfriend but he never got one for you would you?”
The phrase ‘tone-deaf’ comes to mind.
One of my female students commented that teens start with hook-up culture and then often slowly come to decide that it’s not as fun as it seems and that they then begin to look for more long-term (i.e., longer than 20 minutes) relationships.
I commented that what she was describing was a child beginning with utter cynicism and then working her way up to sentimental engagement. I’m not sure this is actually a possible emotional trajectory. I can imagine a period of cynicism, but if things begin this way…
I said that the dynamic I was familiar with was beginning with naïve hopes and aspirations. “If only the admired person looked at me in the same way. Wow. They do! Yippee!” Then a period of infatuation and a hope and desire to be with the person forever, only to have one’s heart broken and being dumped in the space of two months. Chastened, one then tries to limit one’s hopes to a more realistic level, and so on.