There is on this campus a Center that helps students with unusual sexual desires take pride in feeling, and perhaps acting upon, their unusual desires. Stated dysphemistically, the Pride Center helps these students to overcome shame, since shame naturally attends deviance, be it deviance of a sexual or some other sort. Deviance that is not stigmatized as a mark of inferiority, and as a reason for shame, is normally valorized as a mark of superiority, and a reason for pride.
This is why we all are inclined conceal or flaunt the oddities by which we deviate from the norm. We conceal the oddities that make us freaks. We flaunt the oddities that make us special.
A message broadcast by the Pride Center this morning taught me the term “demisexual,” and further investigation taught me that “demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with.” In other words, the demisexual is disgusted by raw lust, but is ashamed of this disinclination to rut with total strangers.
Because the outward manifestations of demisexuality are indistinguishable from the modesty and chastity of traditional sexuality, internet authorities stress that demisexuality is a natural “sexual orientation” that has no connection to moral scruples, religious precepts, ideals of romance, or the institution of marriage. Above all else, a demisexual must not be mistaken for a “prude.” To make it perfectly clear that demisexuals are not prudes, the doctrine of demisexuality comes with the escape clause of “sexual fluidity.” Just because a young woman rejected your brutish advances today, there is no reason to suppose she is a “prude” who will recoil from the brutish advances of a stranger tomorrow.
And if that happens, she will not have “chosen” to yield to those brutish advances, but will have drifted into that disposition on the fluid currents of the erotic ocean on which we are all afloat, without rudder, paddle or sail.
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Humans are naturally disinclined to have sex with total strangers because the offspring of such couplings have until very recently been less likely to survive. Consequently, there is strong selective pressure in favor of a demisexual attitude towards sex. Because this natural disinclination is not perfect, and is indeed subject to freaks of “fluidity,” it was until recently bolstered by moral scruples and religious precepts. Moral scruples and religious precepts also served to temper the promiscuity of deviants who lacked natural demisexual prudence.
The demisexual attitude is more pronounced in the female, for the obvious reason that the female is more likely to be dragged into an early grave by her bastard child. The selective pressure against strumpets is greater than the selective pressure against faithless and rambling men. One can say this without swallowing the Victorian myth of female purity, or the Victorian cope that there would be no fallen women if there were no faithless men. Nature has a strong prejudice against bastards, a somewhat weaker prejudice against their mothers, and a much weaker prejudice against their dads. Moral scruples and religious precepts simply ratified and reinforced this prejudice of nature.
When those moral scruples and religious precepts were removed, a certain amount of natural modesty and chastity therefore remained, particularly among young women. These young women were not so modest or chaste as they would have been with the moral scruples and religious precepts in place, but they were still reluctant to hop into bed with strange men, and they still felt betrayed after they yielded to the raw lust of a one night stand. The problem for these women (and not a few young men) is that their natural modesty and chastity looks like those outdated moral scruples and religious precepts, and is therefore potentially a cause for shame. The demisexual “orientation” appears, therefore, to be a device whereby the naturally prudent can escape the shame and stigma that nowadays attach to the sexual repression of the “religious fanatic” and the “prude.”
Demisexuality is a means to signal that, despite appearances to the contrary, one is absolutely not repressing sexual impulses or exercising sexual self-control. It is a means to represent the natural inhibition of sexual impulses as just another sexual impulse.