Guest Post: Why Johnny Can’t Speak German

The following article was written by a young man who is a friend of the Orthosphere.  And he’s something more than a great friend to me.  Here he tells how he was awakened to some defects in the American school system, a loss of innocence that can never come too soon.

This morning I was mooching free internet in a coffee shop in downtown Graz, which is a city in the southeastern part of Austria. While ordering my drink, I realized that, after three years of high school German, while receiving fairly high grades, I still had extreme difficulty ordering coffee.

I did not have to ponder long as to why this was the case. The reason for my inefficiency in German had to do with the fact that, instead of using class time to actually teach the German language and culture, my German teacher had used class time primarily to spread her cultural Marxist ideology and deep hatred of Donald J. Trump. Since my freshman year, this teacher of mine had always spouted leftist propaganda and done everything in her power to publicly shame anyone remotely conservative, but with the success of Donald Trump’s campaign, and the rise in American nationalism, this woman who claims to be a German teacher has used more and more time—funded by tax-payers—to do nothing other than further her own political agenda.

Richard Spencer, who is known by most as a founder of the alt-right, made an appearance at Texas A&M University; the event was tremendously controversial and made national headlines. I attended the event not having any idea as to whether it would be a room full of skinheads waving the Nazi flag, or if the mainstream media had put it in a far more negative light than it truly deserved. I found the talk to be quite interesting, and realized that what the alt-right was all about seemed pretty reasonable. It seemed like there should have been no sort of comparison whatsoever to some sort of Klu Klux Klan or Nazi sympathizer group.

The next morning in my so-called German class, a girl who is one of those blue haired, future cat lady, SJW types, started off the day by making sure to virtue signal to the rest of the class by bragging about how brave she had been for participating in the “War against the Fascists,” by being a protester at the event. After she was finished spewing how righteously superior she was to the rest of us so-called deplorables, I announced that I had also attended the event, but that I had given Richard Spencer his first amendment right and respectfully listened to the talk with an open mind.

Immediately after saying this I was pounced on by the teacher and told that anybody who had attended the event, and sat down while doing nothing to try and stop Spencer’s hate-speech, was no better than the Germans who sat by while the Holocaust took place. She then rambled on about how ashamed she was of me, or something else along those lines.

On November 8, 2016, Donald J. Trump was elected into office, after more than a year of more than half the country, and virtually all of the mainstream media, telling us that it could never be done. The morning after the victory, two of my fellow classmates and I walked into our second-period German class with hearty grins, while wearing our fair share of MAGA gear. Immediately after class began, our so-called teacher calmly stated that she was glad that the three of us were happy, and then went into complete autistic screeching mode, calling the three of us “literal rapists.”

I’m going to say this again, I and two of my fellow students were called “literal rapists” in front of the rest of our class, purely on the basis of having differing political views than our teacher.

At one point during her SJW cringe-fest, she lifted her foot on top of the desk, grabbed her groin area screaming at the top of her lungs, and asked if we thought it was okay for us to “Grab her by the pussy.”

This type of political shaming by the regressive Left shouldn’t be accepted in a school setting, where students should be having their eyes opened to a diverse range of political views so they can form their own political compass. Students should not be automatically censored and shunned just because their views don’t align perfectly with mainstream politics. And teachers should teach what they are paid to teach.

These were the thoughts that crossed my mind while embarrassingly trying to put together the few German words I knew in order to order my coffee, a task you would think most foreign language students would have mastered after completion of their third year.

24 thoughts on “Guest Post: Why Johnny Can’t Speak German

  1. “literal” is another formally useful word now lost to us. What am I supposed to say if I want to communicate that so-and-so is an actual, literal rapist (of the “takes women against their will by violence” rather than the “voted for Trump” variety)?

    • You could follow the example of Whoopi Goldberg and refer to one as a ‘literal rapist’ and the other as a ‘literal rapist rapist’.

      The literal rapist rapist being the Trump supporter, of course.

    • According to today’s news, when Trump fired James “G-Man” Comey, it felt, from Comey’s perspective, literally like having had his pussy grabbed – if you’ll pardon the tangle of the tenses. Or would that be the tingle of the tenses, as when an intense tingle crawled up some vaguely male news-reader’s leg on the first election of Hussein-al-Honoluli?


      A phenomenon of college-level foreign-language instruction is that it now, by accreditation-mandate, includes “cultural” instruction. What this means is that, when someone has studied French during the last two decades or so, he has ended up studying what Muslims do in France; and likewise when he has studied German, he has ended up studying what Muslims do in Germany. “Hussein muss taglich zum Arbeit gehen. So wartet Hussein taglich auf den Strassenbahn.” But Trump has recently trumped Muslims. Now when someone studies French or German — quite as the guest-writer attests — he studies what a wicked, pussy-grabbing Nazi Herr Trump literally is. After we’ve drained the swamp, I vote that we empty the cat litter box of contemporary college-level language instruction. And everything-else instruction. Litterally!

      • This:

        According to today’s news, when Trump fired James “G-Man” Comey, it felt, from Comey’s perspective, literally like having had his pussy grabbed – if you’ll pardon the tangle of the tenses. Or would that be the tingle of the tenses, as when an intense tingle crawled up some vaguely male news-reader’s leg on the first election of Hussein-al-Honoluli?

        is hilarious!

        I have a good friend who is something of a comedian who has a talent for finding something funny to say about the most serious of issues.

        I was once telling him about a new neighbor couple who had moved in next door to us, and the woman had verbally attacked and cursed my wife in a case of mistaken identity. When my wife mentioned it to me I immediately walked outside and confronted the woman about it across the way, asking “ma’am, did you curse my wife?” She said “I called her a f*cking bitch!” I said, “why?; who do you think you are to do a thing like that?” She said, in a very masculine sounding voice, “I’m a mean bitch, that’s who I am!” I replied, “Oh!; well why don’t you bring your mean ass to the center of our properties and we’ll have a discussion about it.” So we met in the middle as her husband darted into their house.

        Before it was over she was crying and apologizing profusely for saying those things to my wife. But when I told my buddy about the incident, he said, “soon as you got within range you should have kicked her right square in the nuts!” Hahahahaha! That still cracks me up every time I think about it.

      • I’d be remiss if I didn’t second Terry Morris’ enthusiasm for Tom Bertonneau’s first paragraph in his comment above–it is indeed hilarious. Satirical writing at its finest. One might even say that, in relation to his subject, Professor Bertonneau–perhaps like some modern-day Mithras–effortlessly grabbed the bull by the horns (or should I say, the cow by its pussy…).

        Ich möchte daher dem Professor sehr herzlich gratulieren!

  2. Pingback: Guest Post: Why Johnny Can’t Speak German | @the_arv

  3. My thanks to your young correspondent, JMS, for this account. As a college teacher since3 1981, I’m not surprised, though I am saddened, by it. Publicize, publicize, not to stir up bitter fretfulness (Psalm 37: 1-7), but to expose the works of darkness (Ephesians 5:11). I do think, though, that the principal should have been informed of the teacher’s language and that she should have apologized in the presence of those who heard such language.

  4. I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to have political discussions in a foreign-language class, but seeing as this was a third-year German class, the discussion should have been entirely in German. Whatever happened to students speaking the language they’re supposed to be learning?

    Cultural Marxism is very strong in Europe. David Goldman (aka Spengler) is fluent in three European languages besides English, yet finds he has nothing to say to anyone in any of them.

    • Occasionally we would discuss German politics in the classroom, but yet that was still discussed about in English.

  5. I find this account both believable and unbelievable… Literally true and literally false… An actual account and supreme trolling.

    This high schooler? is a personal friend of yours, JMSmith?

  6. Pingback: Guest Post: Why Johnny Can’t Speak German | Reaction Times

  7. Pingback: Outliers (#56)

  8. Bonald, your address went over well with some very minor adaptations for a high school audience. Thanks.

    In fairness, it hard not to throw in some Obiter dicta when you are in front of a class forty hours per week.

  9. These stunts would have been Snapchat gold if they had actually happened. Therefore it didn’t. You’ve been had!

    • Yes, because *every* single offensive stunt a H.S. teacher pulls in the classroom is recorded by a student or students and posted on Snapchat. Are you listening to yourself?

      • It cuts both ways. Responsible teachers are often baited and goaded to the point of break down by malicious students, and then the phone cameras come out.

    • It’s actually a lot harder than you think to video your teacher with out them noticing, and there are extreme disciplinary consequences to students who do so.

      • Cotton:

        I take it you are the author of the O.P.? Nice work. Anyway…

        It never ceases to amaze that people will see such videos originally posted on Snapchat and gone viral, wherein the teachers in question are disciplined by school administrators for their behavior in the classroom, and all of this somehow means to them that these sorts of occurances (catching them in the act on video and the subsequent disciplinary measures taken) are now the rule rather than the small exception they actually are.

      • At my school I know f no consequences for students that record teachers. The other day I had a presentation on the changing economic model of the music industry wherein I was introduced to something called SoundCloud, a site that prominently features diy rap. I was surreptitiously recorded making a disapproving face at the example song that the presenter shared. I found this out later in the day from a student in a different class. I’m a good sport and it was kind of funny, but the point is, kids seem to think they have a universal right to record anyone and to share that recording with anyone. This happens fairly frequently.

  10. It seemed like there should have been no sort of comparison whatsoever to some sort of Klu Klux Klan or Nazi sympathizer group.

    See here:

    Do be sure to read the comments to the article. But also, note well the following statement from the article itself describing what Mein Kampf is about:

    During this time he wrote the famous Mein Kampf (“My Struggle”), his manifesto of plans for global domination and conquest. The book outlined his fanatical hatred for the Jews.

    Well, not exactly. But you’d have to read it to know that.

    One young Jewish woman wrote in a comment to the article that the Jews were purely innocent, and that the Nazis’ fanatical hatred for them was a result of German jealousy of the Jews for having the means to have and acquire more weath. So it was, in her educated view, just a class warfare thing pitting the poor starving Germans against the wealthy affluent Jews. This is fairly typical.

    To get back to your excerpted statement above, I have begun to conclude that anti-semitism/fanatical Jew hatred means any morally righteous position held on a host of issues the Jews are heavily involved in and generally supportive of; and an anti-semite is any non-Jew (usually white or of European ancestry, and Christian) who holds and adheres to the morally righteous position.

    Thus: pro-life/anti-abortion = anti-semitism; opposition to “gay marriage” and homosexuality in general = anti-semitism; opposition to pornography = anti-semitism; opposition to Marxism/communism = anti-semitism; opposition to feminism = anti-semitism; opposition to usury = anti-semitism, and so on.

    If I am right in that conclusion, or even close to right in it, it makes perfect sense that the alt-right is compared to (or even considered as part of) Nazi sympathizer groups.

  11. While I can sympathise with the OPs experience, I very much doubt that his teacher’s insane politics are the reason for his poor German. I too took three years of high school German, taught by a competent teacher, and emerged out with a similar level of fluency to the OP. The problem is one common to all classroom-style language classes – you don’t actually learn how to speak the language. Sure, you learn a lot about the rules of the language, but you speak the language itself very little. And then they expect you to go out into the world and start speaking fluent German. It’s like taking classes on the rules of basketball, watching a lot of games, and occasionally doing some dribbling exercises, and then at the end you are expected to go out and play the game without any real practice.

    • I had four years of German in high school, and although far from fluent, am at least reasonably functional in that language because my teacher taught the course entirely in German. A modern language class needs to be conducted almost entirely in the target language or the result will be as you describe.

  12. As a pedagogically responsible public high school language teacher, I am appalled by the account above. I cannot believe that German teacher is still employed after such antics. That sort of thing would not be tolerated in any of the public or private schools in which I’ve taught, not even in these times.


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