In the immortal lines of Alfred Lord Tennyson, “in the Spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” And also, it seems, to machetes.
Long-time readers will recall that I once before reported on machete fights gone wrong (items 8 and 9 here), and so will not be surprised to learn that there has been more jungle justice here on the banks of the Brazos. One Gia Dinh Vue (38), a Texan who had been “living in Houston,” drove up to Bryan “to visit” a woman “around 8:30 a.m.” yesterday. After what we can only suppose was a cozy tête-à-tête, Mr. Vue left the woman’s apartment “to return to Houston,” but as he was “driving out of the complex,” he spotted another man arriving “to check on” the woman.
(Nota bene: a woman on whom one is inclined to “check” is almost always bad news.)
This humiliation was too much for Vue, who had the taste of the woman’s tea and madeleines still fresh on his lips, so he stalked back to her apartment, “machete in his hand,” hot for jungle justice. The woman, whose conscience may not have been perfectly clear, told her new guest “to hide,” and in the best tradition of French farce, the wily fellow dove into “a closet.”
Having no doubt attended closely to French farce, and especially to the coup de theater when the cuckold throws open the closet door, the machete-wielding Mr. Vue made a beeline for this hideout. The two men “began struggling,” but a bent hanger and a size 26 Kimono proved no match for the avenging blade of Vue, and the cowardly, cuckolding, closet-cloistered cad was “cut on the hand.”
Mr. Vue’s triumph was, alas, short-lived, for jungle justice is no match for estrogenic justice, and the avenging blade of Vue cannot avail in his battle against the charge of “aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.” By estrogenic justice, I mean, of course, the automatic deliverance by the police of women from whatever mayhem their disorderly amours may occasion (cf. here).
That is, after all, what the blindfold on justice means. It means that, when it comes to crimes of passion, the passions of the female cannot be entered into evidence. It means that even to think the words cherchez la femme is a hate fact.