Movie Review: “San Andreas”


Not thirty minutes into the story of San Andreas, a colossal skyscraper falls on my old girlfriend’s apartment house in West L.A. and then a tsunami sweeps it all away.  So – pretty good stuff!  I am giving this movie four-and-a-half stars out of five.  I withhold half a star for the scenes in which the actors have lines.

Thinking these thoughts so that my friends don’t need to.  TFB.

9 thoughts on “Movie Review: “San Andreas”

  1. Pingback: Movie Review: “San Andreas” | Neoreactive

  2. Pingback: Movie Review: “San Andreas” | Reaction Times

  3. I liked it just because it starred a beta male (slightly miscast as the Rock) manning up and doing right for his family. I also give it 3.5/4.

    But then, I’m also a beta.

  4. To Peter Blood: Yes – and San Francisco. The peculiar thing is that this is Hollywood wishing its own destruction, apparently. (We can only wish fervently along with Hollywood.)

    To Zimriel: In the film’s main storyline, the star is television’s ex-fake-wrestler Dwayne Johnson, playing a fire-department helicopter pilot, who learned his trade in the military. Okay. But in the sub-plot, which is half of the movie, the male is a wimpy British “beta” with a kid-brother in tow, whom the Dwayne Johnson character’s inexplicably blond daughter (the mother is raven-haired) has to save – thereby taking on the alpha-male role. The daughter is named “Blake,” a suitably gender-evading cognomen.

    Pierre Morel’s Taken (2008) with Liam Neeson is a better – because unambiguous – father-rescues-daughter story. San Andreas tries to lift elements from Taken. For example, the Johnson character is divorced from his wife, Emma, played by Carla Gugino, whose new boyfriend is a smarmy rich architect who builds skyscrapers – with whom the ex-wife and the daughter have taken up luxurious residence. In Taken, the Neeson character also has a divorced wife who has moved in with her smarmy rich new boyfriend taking the daughter with her in tow. Spoiler: San Andreas contrives to kill off the smarmy rich guy, but can only do so by killing off several hundred other innocent bystanders. This is what I mean when I say that the movie is morally incoherent.

    Generally: Unlike Schoedsack and Cooper’s Last Days of Pompeii (1935) or George Pal’s Lost Continent (1960), San Andreas has no moral framework. Neither did Paul W. S. Anderson’s recent Pompeii (2014), which scrupulously scrubbed away all the Christian elements of Bulwer-Lytton’s original story and created a studiously modern nihilistic ending for the moral ending of its 1935 precursor.

    Anderson’s earthquake is remarkably PC. It only kills off WASPS – mainly up-market “millennials.” The next morning everything is hunky-dory. There is not even a whisper of smoke in the air. The federal government has arrived to save the people. Liberals should organize a protest against San Andreas. The death-toll does not “look like America.”

    • There is a funny message in the film Taken of Luc Besson production: the rotten French society (or European in general) needs help from some disciplined and honest foreigner (an American in this case, a Chinese in case of Kiss of the Dragon, both of them paradoxically secret agents of world’s modern superpowers) to clean up from degenerates. Of course, the degenerates are usually rich guys of possibly aristocratic origin or state employees.
      Anyway, as a father I enjoyed Neeson saving his daughter and killing all those nasty bastards.

      • The ending annoyed me. After all that work, he returns his daughter to the custody of his b*tch of an ex-wife and her obnoxious new husband? Tchah.

        If I wrote the ending, the protagonist would be in Rio de Janeiro, training his daughter in the arts of espionage and assassination, and ignoring his ex wife’s futile, rage-filled demands for her return.

  5. @ Peter Blood: Or the destruction of NYC as well (Godzilla, King-Kong, Cloverfield). Oddly enough non-urban cities tend to have the zombie apocalypse.

    • Let’s not leave out The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1952), said to have been the inspiration for Godzilla (1954). By the way, aficionados refer to that classic Japanese monster-flick as as Ishiro Hondo’s 1954 Godzilla Documentary.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.